Any Thoughts On My Poem?
Okay, here’s my poem, tell me what ya think of it & what YOU think it means:
DIAMONDS & SNOWFLAKES
Exaggeration of the mess you’re in
Blaming it all on me
Trying and lying to cut my skin
To drag me, unwillingly
You laugh and cheer the chaos free
You break what you can’t fix
Why do you suppose it will end with me?
Does my panic fuel your kicks?
Tumbling down towards the truth inside
Your infinite vertical drop
Stumbling miles of a rising black tide
This theatrical disaster must stop
I’m not afraid of your sterile schemes
It’s funny how you cannot realize
I could slip away, dissipate your dreams
But your screams keep me satisfied
You don’t go well with me, I know
You’re misshapen and confused
Like diamonds and snowflakes
All beauty can be abused
Well, there ya go? Please leave a comment, i’d love to hear some of your thoughts!
xo
My honest opinion? I think your poem speaks volumes. I love it and give it an A. With just a little tweak, an A+.
You have a gift with words and just a little tweak will make you even better.
As I’m reading, the poem flows nicely till I get to the 3rd stanza and the line-”This theatrical disaster must stop” There seems to be too many syllables.
It’s like I tripped and fell down over all 7 syllables in “theatrical disaster”.
Another trip in the 4th stanza with the word “cannot”. Shorten it to can’t and it flows.
Almost done, hold on—–add another word to the last line of the poem. Something with 4 syllables. Either 2 words with 2 syllables or a big one with four.
Remember, I said I loved it! LOL
Suzy Snowflake Comes To Town – Travis